First person narrative style

This morning I started writing the beginning of Don Findy as a first person narrative. I intend to adapt the first twenty pages in order, as that’s what I have in the third person. I won’t make a final decision of which narrative style I will choose for the final piece until I have finished these twenty pages and examined which style I think gives the reader more. I wont post the entire version of both styles here but will compare extracts that highlight some of the major differences.

So far I've rewritten the first thirteen pages (the entire first chapter). At the moment I feel that simply rewriting what I already have isn't the best idea. So I might just use the basic outline and start from scratch. I will wait until I've done all twenty pages, and had a break of a day or so, before deciding though; just to check if that's still how I feel.

Below are a couple of extracts to show how similar the pieces are appearing at the moment.

First person style;

I could smell pathetic as I opened my office door. As I entered I could see the back of a small head covered in scruffy, just out of bed hair, watching my ant farm. The shoulders connected to the neck that supported this head were scrawny and a wet grey patch covered most of back of the t-shirt this person was wearing.


Third person style;

Don Findy could smell pathetic as he pushed the door of his office open. He could see the back of a small head covered in scruffy, just out of bed hair watching his ant farm. The shoulders connected to the neck that supported this head were scrawny. A wet grey patch covered most of the t-shirt this person had on their back.